My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We got so high we made milksteak
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Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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