The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you inspire me to be a worse person
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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