according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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