i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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