dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
