A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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