ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize