I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize