Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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