I faked an abortion last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
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Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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