they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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