that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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