i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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