i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize