so explain again why im purple
no
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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