I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize