shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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