I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize