It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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