I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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