Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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