EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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