I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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