So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
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u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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whose parrot is this?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize