I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize