I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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