Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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