I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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