You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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