his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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