can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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