Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize