I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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