When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize