I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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