Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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