it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize