I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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