I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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