Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize