Only a mothe r could love this liver
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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