I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize