you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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