i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
