Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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