I wish I could teleport
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
