Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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