I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
