omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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