this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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