There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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